Sublime
Lenny Russo is a very brilliant man, he’s a visionary–seeing far off into the future, so far in fact that a mere mortal like me can only begin to understand the genius by studying his cuisine. I had the opportunity to do so last Thursday night, the memory of which is seared into my mind with extraordinary clarity, an experience I’ll not soon forget.
The first course was an oxtail soup, but no, not an ordinary oxtail soup. It was as if the contents from an emptied sink had been swirled in a bowl with some warm water, with only a simple crouton to garnish. As I ate it I was sure that it must have been similar to the soup served in Soviet forced work camps–salt would have surely ruined it, clearly knowing this he had added none. It was equal parts Fear Factor and Survivor, with it’s fatty porridgy blandness starring back at me, but it was 100% Brilliant.
That course was followed by sliced Bison atop a dark syrupy reduction of what could only have been local soy sauce mixed with the fruit of the ginkgo tree. The meat itself was a singular achievement, not even the Hubba Bubba chewing gum people could have conceived of the struggle to render it digestible.
The piece de resistance came at the end when the dessert was presented. It was a piece of cake, a square piece of sheet pan cake cold from the fridge with two simple sauces that clung to the surface of the plate, picture if you will a child being stripped from the arms of its mother and you can imagine the tenacity to which the sauce clung to the surface. The cake was sublimely amateurish, as if almost meant to toy knowingly with the guest, teasing and tantalizing us with it’s undiscovered potential–perhaps only obvious to the most sophisticated of palates.
My mind is clapping as I remember.
Sublime…truly there are not enough stars in all the sky to reward this extraordinary adventure, as I sit here now, for the life of me I can think of only fifty or sixty restaurants in the Twin Cities that are better.
Were you eating alone? what did your companions have? i have yet to go, fill us in….
Zoinks.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by KrisHase and Kathy Lewinski, Jason DeRusha. Jason DeRusha said: Wow. Lenny's nice re: Shefzilla's critique of Heartland's reviews: http://bit.ly/90ahjo. Shef skewers the place: http://bit.ly/atNw4m [...]
Screw the star rating system, you need to start a chef driven, Thunderdome themed review section
The twin cities needs a scorched earth policy as it relates to resto reviews
Zoinks indeed… “tantalizing us with its undiscovered potential”
so much for your getting soft in your old age. you might want to bust out your haz-mat suit.
“As I ate it I was sure that it must have been similar to the soup served in Soviet forced work camps–salt would have surely ruined it, clearly knowing this he had added none.”
Faith, we finally found something for you to eat at Heartland without too much salt!!!!!
Justice proposes the following:
Woodman vs. Russo
Celebrity Chef Boxing Match for Charity
(shirtless, of course)
Undercard:
Heidi vs. Mega
McKee vs. Thoma
Dara vs. Kathy Jenkins
Master of Ceremonies: Bill Summerville
Expert Commentary by:
Doug Flicker (Piccolo)
Jack Riebel (Dakota)
Mr. Pickles (currently unemployed)
Refreshments:
Beer courtesy of Surly Brewing
“Pigs in a Blanket” courtesy of Haute Dish
Terms:
*all proceeds to charity
*winner gets guest restaurant critic column at the Strib and a five-star/101-point rating their restaurant
*loser agrees to:
-dress up as Santa Claus and ring a bell in front of their own restaurant during the holiday season
-appear as the sous-chef on Pampuch’s future reality cooking show. (You’ll be opening lots of tomato cans, I’d guess…)
It’s on like Donkey Kong! You guys should have a cook-off, and the loser needs to shave off their mustache and/or beard. I would pay to see that! (Not the cook-off, but the mustache shaving).
Mr. Rick Tuesday
I used to be in your corner. Now I’m not sure.
I liked it better when you took the high road…
@justice: great ideas!
I keep thinking of this famous Bugs Bunny line:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBml1XZDg3w
Don’t you think that this comes off as a little bitter? Isn’t your gripe with the media and not Mr Russo?
Or is this an attempt at publicity?
Please grow up. Seriously. You’re starting to smell of loserness.
Stewart is in the kitchen cooking today that smell is of ‘effin delicious food.
Amber, if you have an idea, something to contribute, why not articulate it? Name calling is just so very weak.
Well, don’t know what I enjoyed more, the post or the comments….but I know I want to try the pigs in the blankets at Haute Dish…as a child, pigs in the blanket inspired me to get inside a pillow case and roll around on the ground…but at my house they were meat and rice stuffed cabbage rolls in a sweet tomato-y sauce, not sure if it’s the same..
yes, yes DB, I had the same thought. Except that shef’s review only surprises me in the amount of sarcasm. Not as far as the quality of the food at Heartland, it seems like the food falls short of the very very awe-inspired accolades it has been getting. Unless a place can be great consistently, 4 stars is not not right. I am giving benefit of the doubt here as to the place having food that is sometimes great, I haven’t experienced it at either location.
Here’s a contribution.
Chef A is bothered by the fact that the Twin Cities food cognoscenti hold Chef B’s restaurant in high regard. (Obviously, those in the know, as well as the folks who enjoy the food are wrong.)
Chef A suggests standards aren’t objective. (Obama got the Nobel Peace prize. Ghandi did not.)
Chef A goes to Chef’s B, samples the food, and takes to the internet saying its horrible. Please keep me/us informed as to what sucks. (I hope to soon learn about the crappy sourdough bread that populates this city.)
Where pray tell is the contribution? Oh, maybe its the fact that standards aren’t standard. Or maybe its the suggestion that the reviewers and food writers have subjective opinions. Food and Wine’s opinion counts. James Beard Foundation, not so much…
Here’s my contribution – Grow the eff up and stop the childishness. You’re past sounding like the wacko Palin daughters.
(I’ve enjoyed food at Heidi’s each time I visited.)
FINALLY, someone else can see the emperor is buck naked. My Heartland experience (pre-locovore palace) left me wondering if all my tastebuds had been seared off by some iffy chili. Surely the lack of seasoning of any kind was me, being a food rube. So much had been written about the place. I was mystified at the common, no, blah fare that was presented with such pride. I skipped dessert. I never skip dessert.
Next up: the Dakota. Does Jack remember that dessert crime I sent back and refuse to give me anything edible except a burger?
Them be fightin’ words! Seriously though, it would be a shame if Heidi’s 2.0 was egged before it even opened.
HA! That is funny, that is all.
Wow, you went a bit over the top. It’s not Heartland’s fault about how they are reviewed by others. If you didn’t enjoy your meal, say so, but this was pretty mean spirited. I have enjoyed (and even hated some of your posts) before, but this crossed a line that makes me reconsider eating at Heidi’s 2.0 when it opens. I don’t think bashing is the way to go. Respectfully, you blew it. This just cuts too deep.
Gee, I’m kind of regretting participating in the post-fire benefit for Heidi’s — although I suppose it’s good to be nice to people even when they are jerks.
I do have to say I appreciate the irony of “Amber, if you have an idea, something to contribute, why not articulate it? Name calling is just so very weak.” One might suggest that snarkiness is equally weak.
I had one of the best meals of my life at Heidi’s. I’m sorry to have read this post and won’t be returning.
Suffices to say, Heidi’s 2.0 had better bring it. I’ll be trying Heartland in a couple of weeks. I love syrupy reductions.
This is some fun reading! I will sit back, relax with a glass of wine and wait for the next comment.
Stewart, sniping about another restaurant just seems so Food Network, it’s kinda odd. But I understand that can be a profitable career move, so it’s hard to fault someone for trying to become Gordon Ramsey if they need the $$.
Having said that, I ate at Five back in the day, and based on the service we experienced, I won’t willingly visit any of your restaurants again. (It completely echoed Dara’s review of Five, which I gently kidded my paying companion about – and we weren’t penny-pinching; full tasting menus with wine flights.) You may want to focus on creating the best restaurant possible for yourself (whatever that looks like), rather than expending energy tearing someone else down.
Wow, so much has happened since this afternoon!! great reading for wine drinking!! We all have the right to say how we feel and what we think. Now, for the Bugs Bunny quote…
Yay! Bugs is very funny!! Now stop acting like you’ve been in a Soviet forced work camp and find your humor caps already!!
Weak is Heidi telling Amber not to name-call. Wasn’t this entire post a shot at Russo? Or did I miss something? This kind of thing is pathetic from a grown man. Haters can fall back! Amber FTW.
Lennys tasteless and mean late night trashing online in the Mn Monthly comment section some time ago of MN Slow Food Board director and total niceguy Ron Huff still stands as the low bar for food blogger commentary. Maybe Shef is trying to outdo Lenny now in that category too since he has him beaten in the kitchen.
Anyways, I’m going to go and get the popcorn going this promises to be a real pissing match!
bud dingler, come on down!
There’s nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?
Your unappetizing meal may simply be caused by the bitterness of your own jealousy?
The rant is very unbecoming and unprofessional. Maybe in New York they give stars for attitude and pretentiousness, but in the Midwest it is about the food.
I had been to Heidi’s and it was good. Very good. But I will not be going to the reincarnation as I would rather spend my dining dollars with restaurants that support a positive, collaborative atmosphere for other chefs and food providers. It may not make a difference to the new Heidi’s bottom line, but it will help me sleep better at night.
This all reminds me of a table at lunch today: “Dave, you’re not listening to me!” “No, Tony, you’re not listening to me!! I don’t remember their real names…but I wondered what they were talking about!!
Hey I got a job!
This thread is hilarious! Being a cook for a number of years I have learned that what one person thinks (especially chefs) is quality food is so subjective that you can’t let negative comments bother you. I have never eaten at Mr. Russo’s restaurant so I cant judge his food but his website seems nice enough and a James beard nod has my respect. A constructive critique however, is sometimes helpful.
So, am I the only one who understands this to be entirely tongue-in-cheek? I am assuming that Stewart ate at Heartland, had a satisfactory meal that left him wondering what the fuss is about, and decided to punch it up.
If he actually received soup that tasted like sink, he would have sent it back. My guess is that he got a soup that was (in his opinion) under-salted and lacked focus. And so on…
If I’m wrong, somebody tell me.
we need to get Randy Moss into Heartland
Yes Kevin, apparently you are.
I thought it was pretty obvious.
To all the people that will not eat at Heidi’s because of a blog comment, I say…Good! More food for me.
Mr. Rick Tuesday
I enjoy reading your blog / opinions. Your frankness is what draws me to your site as well as your co-bloggers. I especially enjoyed reading this post, it was a humorous, honest critique. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Thanks.
Shef, sorry for joining the party late, but why do you hate Nick Punto?
I’m with Kevin, Mr. RT & Cooking Mom – The writing is funny and not dumbed down/niced up like so much else. “In the midwest it’s about the food?” Really? In some places it’s about the food, in some places it’s about fake nice. It’s about honesty and real critiques, rather than trying to make us all feel good about Minnesota’s everyone’s above average mentality. I think the sarcasm and the sheer over-the-top nature of the post was supposed to be designed to get us to see that. At least that’s the way I’m choosing to see it.
seems like threatening not to eat at Heidi’s is indulging in the same kind of punitive rage that people are criticizing re Shef’s post. Yes, can we find our humor/forgiveness caps today? ALL of us?
I found this kind of funny actually. I moved here recently from Chicago, a pretty good food city in its own right and over the past 15 years, have eaten at most of the stronger restaurants that city has to offer. I think it’s pretty obvious that the Twin City restaurants are graded on a curve. Are these critics going to NYC, SF, and Chicago and coming back with ratings of those places? Probably not. Until the Michelin star system gets here, you’ll probably not have an objective comparison.
That being said, I was at Heartland last Tuesday and found the food pretty okay. Not as great as the reviews would lead me to believe – not a 97/100. My wife ordered the tasting menu and had the same oxtail soup. It did need salt, it was pretty bland. She also had roast pork as the main and a wild rice pudding for dessert. She couldn’t eat her dessert and that’s what she usually looks forward to the most. I had a $28 cassoulet in what seemed to be a 6 oz ramekin. After living in Paris this past summer, I would say that the portion size v. the price was completely out of whack. Cassoulet is a peasant/farmer’s dish (a good fit for the Midwest) and the portion should have either been larger or the price smaller – maybe $18-22. The service was less than remarkable. Our waiter couldn’t really comment on the dishes nor the cheese platter and was absent most of the night. Overall though, I see the appeal. The ingredients are strong but the execution was a bit lacking. The best part of the meal was the house made rye bread and high fat butter.
To be apples to apples, for those of you familiar with the Chicago scene, I would put it in the same category and price range as the Publican, the Bristol, Longman & Eagle, and Mado but probably ranks towards the bottom of this lot. Maybe a 3 out of 4 stars kind of place.
After Shef’s review, I can’t wait to try Heidi’s!