Excerpts from a very recent conversation,
Her: “Are you just a total asshole? That’s what I’ve heard. You don’t mind me asking, do you?”
Me: “Um, mind? I think you just did, but it’s a very rude thing to say to another person that you do not know, like, at all.”
Her: “What do you mean I don’t know you. I’ve read your blog, I know you’ve said nasty things.”
Me: “Like what, what have I said that’s nasty?”
Her: “I can’t point to one thing right now, but it’s also the how you say it-it’s the way you say things.”
Me: “OK, how have I said something that you found objectionable?”
Her: “I didn’t like the way you talked about Dara, you know, during the gun control thing, and you used both of your two Twitter accounts at the same time-that was mean.”
Me: “Yes my two accounts, that people sign on to follow me at, um, what part am I missing-have I been shy about that? But aside from that tell me this please, did I swear at Dara? Was I attacking her as a person? Did I criticize her physically, or in some offensive manner? Did I call her stupid? I criticized the idea that she presented, that all gun control advocates were responsible for killing children. I think it’s offensive to say that, and I still do.”
Her: “I don’t get why you’re trying to defend yourself. What you don’t seem to be able to do is to criticize without making other people angry at you, I am a Christian, kind of a Hippie Christian, and Jesus Christ provided the example of how to bring peace and harmony into the world, you don’t need to criticizes other people-or their ideas in the process.”
Me: “I would certainly not want to speak out of school here, and I mean this with all due respect, but I seem to remember a story were Jesus went into the Temple and overturned a table, denounced money lending or something, and he specifically criticized Jewish leaders for participating with the Romans. That didn’t piss people off? Is there any other major religion that doesn’t view Jesus as having had a crucial impact on humanity, precisely because he preached love, fairness, and did so fearlessly, while challenging the status quo? As a Christian don’t you have an affinity for folks that are marginal, that challenge the status quo?”
Her: “Anybody can twist anything around to the way they want to see it. So that’s whatever. Your agenda has included going after people just for sharing their opinions-like Rick Nelson.”
Me: “Rick Nelson is the main food writer in this town, his opinions effect our entire industry, literally tens of thousands of people, please tell me when I have ever criticized him as a human, his car, or anything about him that does not relate to his role in the community? Please tell me what abhorrent agenda I’ve advanced?”
Her: “OMG, like it even matters, you know the saying, I think it was, like Jefferson, “Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.” People think you are an asshole, that means that’s what you are…don’t you get it, you are the one people are rooting against! On top of that I heard a rumor that you cheated on Heidi with her sister-her very own sister!”
Me: ”It wasn’t Jefferson, and Heidi doesn’t have a sister-”.
Her: ”That’s not the point! That one rumor may not be true, but because people say bad things about you, one of them must be true. There is a reason why, even if I don’t know it! I don’t have to explain anything to you-you’re not even from here, so why should anyone care about you? You didn’t even get a Beard nomination because they hate you.”
Me: ”OK, but didn’t a former Beard committee member come on my blog and tell us that it’s not a merit based award. It’s a popularity contest, and I get that I’m not popular with those folks, but really, if it’s not merit based what is it based on, the color of a person’s skin? Their sexuality? Their ideas? Don’t you think that when you operate in secret, behind closed doors, in a non merit based contest that the club, or group or what have you is going to lose credibility, in any event we have been told it’s not merit based by an insider, so what is it?”
Her: ”Listen to you, who are you to take offense? You’re a cook. Shut up and cook-that’s your job, not commentary.”
Me: ”I’m also a person, don’t I get to partake in the conversation, in free speech-do I ask what you what you do before I ask if you liked your meal?”
Her: ”And by free speech, you mean criticizing other people, again who do you think you are?”
Me: ”Other people? I have certainly criticized other peoples work, or ideas, even their food, but who have I ever attacked personally? Further I’m not sure any of us have to be anything more than to be an American to use our voice. I’ve been in the business for a long time, I mean, I have actually been around, my work alone has been reviewed dozens of times, and I have a pretty good idea of what’s happening in my industry-”.
Her: ”You suck, every single fucking thing that comes out of your villain shitty mouth sucks-Dara says everybody hates you-why would she say that if it wasn’t true?”
Me: ”Listen, I can’t speak for Dara-she has hated my work since her first review at Levain, called it, “Levain Unleavened”, she once printed shitty things that some angry chef wrote about me, she has been eager to shit on me from day one-I think I can point out, that she personally dislikes me-and I think that that adds balance to the conversation.”
Her: ”I can’t believe you’re actually talking back to me. I have to text my friend about this, wait a sec-”
Me: “Truly what you are saying is that you can’t point to a single thing that I have said that is hateful, it has nothing to do with what I’m saying, or how, just that I am? The quality of my work is irrelevant to you, you don’t like ME, I just play the WWF villain for you, I’m the stranger, the outsider, and that’s all OK in your mind, I hope you consider the golden rule, and how it applies to you, would you want to be treated the way you are treating me?”
Her: ”I’m not YOU, God, you’re just as big of an asshole as everyone says.”
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