It’s over
(Warning: what you are about to read is a classic cook rant, if you don’t like cooks, or their rants, avert your eyes)
Yet another season of the most offensive cable show on television has drawn to a close, yes “Top chef” is over, thank Dog.
Funny Harold story here: Heidi and I were at a party in Aspen at the classic the year he won, at one point Heidi and Harold struck up a conversation. Heidi, having consumed much too much champagne (if such a thing is possible), was being somewhat cheeky, admittedly I was engaged in an adjacent conversation so my hearing may have been some what divided, but what I heard Heidi say was “Haaarold, you are just suuuuch an amaaaazing Top Chef, how did you get to be sooo goood?” Harold, realizing she was taking the mickey out of him, gave her a smarmy little smile and blurted out “fuck. you”, to which Heidi laughed, a glorious unrestrained laugh, like only she can. I stepped in to defend my brides honor (poor Harold had such a look of hurt on his face I just couldn’t bare to let this poor man be eaten alive). By the expression on his face, it occurred to him that he would get nothing until he had earned it, the old fashioned way.
Where was I, the show that sucks. In this installment of why Top Chef sucks I will start with the name. Top Chef. %&#! you (whoever came up with that name). Is Project Runway called “top designer”, of course not, that would be stupid, just cause you can make an outfit hardly means you produce them, get people to walk down the runway in them, get to a runway in the first place, and all the five hundred other things that come along with actually being a top designer. The name Top Chef only means something to people who have no clue, zero, as to what chefs are and do. Reason it sucks number one. 99 to follow.
Ok, I’ll give up number two. Where is Gail Simmons? She was the only real reason to watch in the first place, what ever the other woman’s name is, Padma or something, sure she’s pretty but Gail, she likes food. “Have her bathed and brought to my tent.”
12 Comments to “It’s over”
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Dear Sir and/or Madam,
Stick to cooking. Your rant made my head hurt. You will be hearing from my attorney. You may also be hearing from Harold’s attorney once I put this rant on the internets.
Fondly,
Dee Wayne, Esq.
Dr. Wayne. It’s all about the rant dude. Get it?
Dear Chef Slut,
Now I get it. Thank you for helping me through this difficult time. Your thoughtfulness will not be forgotten. I hope to one day repay your act of kindness.
All of my love,
Dee Wayne
Well just don’t watch it then.
I did in the beginning, and haven’t for the past couple of seasons, it is around though and people talk about it, so it’s not as if I can avoid it entirely.
Yeah, I guess in your field you can’t help it. Fortunately I’ve been able to avoid it.
today I feel like a Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker, I’d trade with you for what you do, unless of course it has anything to do with the markets, real estate, or anything else other than HMRs at General Mills…I gotta nap
you look like a steelers linebacker, too. You have Jack Lambert’s facial hair. Speaking of which, I see cabin fever manifesting itself in the facial hair of several of my local friends.
I was ordered to remove said facial hair…now I have a mustache, pencil thin…maybe a little cabin fever has set in…
I suppose if your name is on the restaurant you can make those kind of calls.
I think Top Chef is hilarious. Sure, some episodes are better than others. I also understand that is not reality. It is reality TV. AKA don’t take it so seriously. Additionally, the finale drew over 3 1/2 million viewers. The country and our customers are watching. It’s important to pay attention to this stuff (in my humble opinion).
PS I’d like to see installment #2.